"OMG WHAT IS THIS NASTY-ASS SHIT THAT YOU WANT ME TO EAT? AND WHY ARE THERE HUGE MOUNDS OF BUTTER ON THE TABLE? EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO HAVE A HEART ATTACK."
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
monday, bloody monday
(in full disclosure, the title of this post was stolen from an instant messenger away-message that my good buddy amber used to use back in college. what up ambular! go MD!)
despite a full nine hours' sleep last night, i am totally dragging ass at the office today. and there is no time for dragging asses. there is work to be done! clients to be serviced (that sounds so wrong)! brands to pick apart! etc.
as soon as i get my act together, i am going to write a nice long juicy update, but for now, here is a preview of all things JMWT:
despite a full nine hours' sleep last night, i am totally dragging ass at the office today. and there is no time for dragging asses. there is work to be done! clients to be serviced (that sounds so wrong)! brands to pick apart! etc.
as soon as i get my act together, i am going to write a nice long juicy update, but for now, here is a preview of all things JMWT:
- i went to a country western bar this wknd where i was the only minority and i felt like it was 1965. everyone was texas two-steppin' and country swing-dancin' and wearing cowboy boots, and it was insanely awesome. they were such good dancers! we were too intimidated to join in but were perfectly happy just sitting at the side tables, drinking some shiners and watching the crowds. yee-haw bitches.
- i ate chicken-fried steak for the first time. verdict: f'ing disgusting, and extremely unhealthy to boot. i'll stick with "rabbit food" (as the waitress called our salads, which we had polished off), thankyouverymuch. oh, and for the unaware: chicken-fried steak is steak meat (but not nice fork-and-knife steakhouse steak, and not ground chuck either... somewhere in btwn. sirloin, maybe?) that is battered (like fried chicken) and then fried and served with about an inch-deep covering of thick white gravy. excuse while i go barf in the corner. bleh.
- i am an official (gulp) texas resident, with texas license plates and cowboy boots and everything. JMWT? more like Texas Messes With Jen. (yes, i bought some cowboy boots. they were hella expensive but i love them. don't laugh if i wear them back in DC, okay?)
- we had some adventures out in texas hill country, including a visit to the beautiful hamilton pool and some family-style all you can eat BBQ at my beloved salt lick bbq... ahh, texas.
more to follow (including pics!) when i have some more time. in the meantime, if anyone can answer the following question for me, i'd be much obliged:
what the hell should i do next?
(with my life, that is, not with bbq or cowboy boots or country western dancing...)
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
picture-perfect
randomly, here are a few snapshots from Nicole's recent visit to the ATX:
1. the texas capitol building! it really does look like the nation's capitol! except taller (insert "everything's bigger in texas" pun here), and pinker (insert pun about not expecting a pink capitol in a state like texas here):
2. leeeet's... gooooo... flyyyyy... a kite (or two, in this case)...
3. a painting of a woman's ass. we were obSESSed with this picture. you have to admit that she's got a pretty nice ass.
4. boaters on town lake. i was fascinated by the stuff growing in the water... it looks like they're gliding over some strange under-world.
1. the texas capitol building! it really does look like the nation's capitol! except taller (insert "everything's bigger in texas" pun here), and pinker (insert pun about not expecting a pink capitol in a state like texas here):
2. leeeet's... gooooo... flyyyyy... a kite (or two, in this case)...
3. a painting of a woman's ass. we were obSESSed with this picture. you have to admit that she's got a pretty nice ass.
Monday, March 19, 2007
new yorkers, irishmen, and texans, oh my!
friday was one of those work days where you just wonder if you should throw in the towel and head back home. i felt like i was saying stupid things, making dumb mistakes, speaking before thinking, and generally being an all-around moron. needless to say, once the day was over, i was totally jonesing for two things: 1) a long, mind-clearing run and 2) a tall, stiff drink.
once #1 had been completed, i set about trying to figure out the best way to make #2 happen. rendezvous with the drunken canadians (hi Paula!)?? happy hour with work people? pull a total Bridget Jones by uncorking a bottle of wine, putting on some sweats and popping in a DVD? as i was considering my options, i got an unexpected call from the one and only di johnston, who had been screwed over by the airlines and was making an impromptu drive from houston to fredericksburg... and wanted to stop in austin for some dinner and rest.
the poor kids were so exhausted from their long day that "dinner and rest" turned into a one-night stay @ the luxurious JMWT hotel. there was much consuming of chips & queso and margaritas and eventually glasses of shiraz... much discussion about topics ranging from end-of-life care to my pitiful love life to the difficulty of finding authentic tex-mex cuisine in manhattan. a good time was had by all.
saturday dawned bright and sunny and... green. yes, folks, st. patrick's day was upon us, and although i generally don't make a big fuss about the holiday, i couldn't say no to the prospect of drinking beer with actual irish friends on the big day (who were quick to point out that although st. patrick's day is indeed celebrated in ireland, america makes a far bigger deal out of the day. stupid tacky americans, mucking everything up as usual). i donned a green tank top and headed downtown with my buddies to their favorite irish pub, which was sponsoring a block party complete with a U2 cover band, irish dancers, and tons o' beer (no green beer, though, which made me rather relieved). there was even a bride and groom who had gotten married that morning @ the pub and were there to celebrate their reception (um, survey says: negative). he was decked in a green-themed suit and she was wearing a white wedding gown (IN THE BEER-FILLED BLOCK PARTY TENT) with a green sash. whatever floats your boat, i guess, but for me? hell no. only in texas, eh?
unfortunately, the ol' liver just ain't what it used to be, and i wasn't good for much after 9 pm... in fact, i went home and fell asleep in my living room chair. klassy.
sunday was a flurry of errands, cleaning, laundry, long bike rides and expensive trips to the grocery store. (side note: how is it possible for one person to spend $100 on groceries? i am ONE PERSON, not a family of four. granted, i hadn't gone grocery shopping in forever and was out of everything from the fresh stuff -- drinks, eggs, fresh produce, etc. -- to the pantry-ish stuff -- peanut butter, granola bars, etc. but still! $100! for one person's grocery bill! seriously. am staying home and eating homemade food for the next ten years, WTF.) the highlight of the day was the enormous vat of chili i cooked up (verdict: "tastey," as fergie would say) and the fact that most of the SXSW freaks have left town and i can now reclaim my neighborhood as my own. good-bye emo geeks! now go home and take a shower, mm'kay?
once #1 had been completed, i set about trying to figure out the best way to make #2 happen. rendezvous with the drunken canadians (hi Paula!)?? happy hour with work people? pull a total Bridget Jones by uncorking a bottle of wine, putting on some sweats and popping in a DVD? as i was considering my options, i got an unexpected call from the one and only di johnston, who had been screwed over by the airlines and was making an impromptu drive from houston to fredericksburg... and wanted to stop in austin for some dinner and rest.
the poor kids were so exhausted from their long day that "dinner and rest" turned into a one-night stay @ the luxurious JMWT hotel. there was much consuming of chips & queso and margaritas and eventually glasses of shiraz... much discussion about topics ranging from end-of-life care to my pitiful love life to the difficulty of finding authentic tex-mex cuisine in manhattan. a good time was had by all.
saturday dawned bright and sunny and... green. yes, folks, st. patrick's day was upon us, and although i generally don't make a big fuss about the holiday, i couldn't say no to the prospect of drinking beer with actual irish friends on the big day (who were quick to point out that although st. patrick's day is indeed celebrated in ireland, america makes a far bigger deal out of the day. stupid tacky americans, mucking everything up as usual). i donned a green tank top and headed downtown with my buddies to their favorite irish pub, which was sponsoring a block party complete with a U2 cover band, irish dancers, and tons o' beer (no green beer, though, which made me rather relieved). there was even a bride and groom who had gotten married that morning @ the pub and were there to celebrate their reception (um, survey says: negative). he was decked in a green-themed suit and she was wearing a white wedding gown (IN THE BEER-FILLED BLOCK PARTY TENT) with a green sash. whatever floats your boat, i guess, but for me? hell no. only in texas, eh?
unfortunately, the ol' liver just ain't what it used to be, and i wasn't good for much after 9 pm... in fact, i went home and fell asleep in my living room chair. klassy.
sunday was a flurry of errands, cleaning, laundry, long bike rides and expensive trips to the grocery store. (side note: how is it possible for one person to spend $100 on groceries? i am ONE PERSON, not a family of four. granted, i hadn't gone grocery shopping in forever and was out of everything from the fresh stuff -- drinks, eggs, fresh produce, etc. -- to the pantry-ish stuff -- peanut butter, granola bars, etc. but still! $100! for one person's grocery bill! seriously. am staying home and eating homemade food for the next ten years, WTF.) the highlight of the day was the enormous vat of chili i cooked up (verdict: "tastey," as fergie would say) and the fact that most of the SXSW freaks have left town and i can now reclaim my neighborhood as my own. good-bye emo geeks! now go home and take a shower, mm'kay?
Friday, March 16, 2007
overheard yesterday while taking out the trash
my neighborhood is OVERRUN with emo freaks who are obsessed with SXSW. it's extremely entertaining to watch, and even more entertaining when you overhear the following conversation while making a trash stop on your way out for an after-work run:
emo dude #1: "dude, you weigh WHAT?!"
emo dude #2: "i weigh 114 pounds."
emo dude #1: "dude, you only weigh 114 pounds?!"
emo dude #2: "yeah, so what?"
emo dude #1: "dude, i weigh 154 pounds! that's like a difference of..."
silence
silence
silence
emo dude #1: "dude, that's a difference of like, 50 pounds!"
aww, emo dude #1. you were so close. SO close!! better luck next time. also, just FYI: skinny-fit plaid pants, faded band t-shirts and wristlets do NOT look good on you. neither do aviator sunglasses.
emo dude #1: "dude, you weigh WHAT?!"
emo dude #2: "i weigh 114 pounds."
emo dude #1: "dude, you only weigh 114 pounds?!"
emo dude #2: "yeah, so what?"
emo dude #1: "dude, i weigh 154 pounds! that's like a difference of..."
silence
silence
silence
emo dude #1: "dude, that's a difference of like, 50 pounds!"
aww, emo dude #1. you were so close. SO close!! better luck next time. also, just FYI: skinny-fit plaid pants, faded band t-shirts and wristlets do NOT look good on you. neither do aviator sunglasses.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
oh the pressure
so... the great Amalah has decided to send some of her ginormous site traffic to little ol' me via a link in her post about her SXSW experience... and now i am too intimidated to post anything. also busy at work and lazy due to the gray rainy weather, but it's more about the intimidation thing.
um. hi Amalah readers! i am a total fraud! a bad blogger who is only used to having six loyal readers, so the sudden influx of site traffic is very strange!
alas and alack. well, in the spirit of keepin it real (because that's how things get down around here), i will just post what i would have posted, Amalah-induced site traffic or no...
...which is... wait for it... WAAAAIT for it...
a review of my birthday festivities!
(woo hoo! can you feel the excitement?! the bold and italics totally add a note of panache, no?)
for a variety of reasons that are totally not worth going into right now, the day actually started off on a rather shit-tastic note. however, since i am good and resourceful and try to control my own happiness, i decided to take matters in my own hands and turn my day around for once and for all.
i'd like to take a moment to present you with Jen Messes With Texas's Three-Step Plan to Improving An Otherwise Shit-Tastic Day:
PHASE #1: NORMAL HAPPY HOUR
(scene: molotov lounge, west 6th)
(featuring my fantastic friend Robert.)
ingredients: a rooftop bar, a sunny afternoon, a bunch of cocktails, a motley crew of friends...
result: good times all around.
PHASE #2: BRING ON THE KARAOKE
(scene: austin karaoke, north austin. this place is leGIT, people. i busted out my korean and everything.)
um... i think this is a misguided attempt to "drop it like it's hot" whilst singing karaoke. notice the look of "WTF?" on my friend Taylor's face.
PHASE #3: WE GO DANCING
(scene: cedar street lounge. outdoor bar, live music, lots of mexican martinis.)
misguided attempt #2, this time in response to my friend Sara's directive to "look hot." it turned out more along the lines of "look drunk," but what can you do? note the cameo role being played by my friend Paula's leg in the background.
all in all, an excellent birthday.
um. hi Amalah readers! i am a total fraud! a bad blogger who is only used to having six loyal readers, so the sudden influx of site traffic is very strange!
alas and alack. well, in the spirit of keepin it real (because that's how things get down around here), i will just post what i would have posted, Amalah-induced site traffic or no...
...which is... wait for it... WAAAAIT for it...
a review of my birthday festivities!
(woo hoo! can you feel the excitement?! the bold and italics totally add a note of panache, no?)
for a variety of reasons that are totally not worth going into right now, the day actually started off on a rather shit-tastic note. however, since i am good and resourceful and try to control my own happiness, i decided to take matters in my own hands and turn my day around for once and for all.
i'd like to take a moment to present you with Jen Messes With Texas's Three-Step Plan to Improving An Otherwise Shit-Tastic Day:
- leave work in the middle of the day. go home to your apartment and put on a comfy t-shirt. shut your blinds so that pesky sun doesn't stream into your room. put your blackberry and your cell phone near your pillow (am a model employee)... and then take a restful, rejuvenating nap. ahh.
- wake up 45 minutes later feeling much happier only to discover that wait! it gets better! your leasing company has left birthday balloons and freshly baked cookies on your door! eat cookies while you check your blackberry and rejoice.
- decide that maybe you should go back to work already. stop by freebirds, pick up delicious chicken burrito with fresh jalapenos and an iced tea with splenda, and then head back to the office.
ta-da! happiness restored! works like a charm, i tell ya. just don't let any silly "meetings" or "conference calls" or "colleagues wondering where you are" get in your way.
anyway. so after work, the birthday festivies commenced, and my oh my, they did not disappoint. it was a three-phase operation, which i will describe below in pictures because someone once told me that a picture is worth a thousand words (whoda thunkit?):
PHASE #1: NORMAL HAPPY HOUR
(scene: molotov lounge, west 6th)
(featuring my fantastic friend Robert.)
ingredients: a rooftop bar, a sunny afternoon, a bunch of cocktails, a motley crew of friends...
result: good times all around.
PHASE #2: BRING ON THE KARAOKE
(scene: austin karaoke, north austin. this place is leGIT, people. i busted out my korean and everything.)
um... i think this is a misguided attempt to "drop it like it's hot" whilst singing karaoke. notice the look of "WTF?" on my friend Taylor's face.
PHASE #3: WE GO DANCING
(scene: cedar street lounge. outdoor bar, live music, lots of mexican martinis.)
misguided attempt #2, this time in response to my friend Sara's directive to "look hot." it turned out more along the lines of "look drunk," but what can you do? note the cameo role being played by my friend Paula's leg in the background.
all in all, an excellent birthday.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
celebrity encounters of the ATX variety
sorry about the lack of updates, people. that whole work-thing sometimes gets in the way (i mean come on! don't they realize that i'm just there for the free wireless internet? oh, and the opportunity to take $96,000 BMW M5s for a 100 mph cruise around the Austin hills during the middle of the workday? btw, if you have $96,000 to spare, get thee to a BMW dealership and buy one for yourself. i promise that you will not be disappointed. you may get a few speeding tickets and a lot more ass than you used to, but zero disappointment).
the thing is, i have things to say! stories to share! musings to post! so enough with the obligatory "i'm sorry i haven't posted in so long yadda yadda" crap and let's hop to it:
as most of you know, this wknd marked the beginning of the annual insanity that is SXSW. having moved to austin at this exact time last year (more posts on that later, one year in ATX plus a birthday, holy crap, how the mind boggles), i can distinctly remember how it took an otherwise chill town and turned it into this crazy hodge-podge of skinny-jean-wearing emo hipsters, importante artistes all clad in black, geeky chic types in designer glasses and spiky hair, LA hotties in designer gear, and of course, groupies galore. live music blares from every corner, a lanyard on your neck becomes a status symbol instead of a horrible fashion accessory, and craig's list becomes overrun with posts begging for the oh-so-elusive wristband. it is truly fascinating to watch.
it also brings some celebrities to town, and i had the good fortune of seeing them all up close and personal-like. the bizarre twist in the story that i was actually hanging out with a woman who many consider to be an internet celebrity in her own right... maybe because there are thousands of people who faithfully read her blog every day in order to keep up with the ins and outs of her daily life (there is something the phrase "internet celebrity" makes me feel somewhat ooky inside, like i am some creepy predator checking out 13 year olds on myspace or something). her name is amalah, and although i've been reading her site for years i never thought i'd end up spending the afternooon showing her around my little corner of austin. there was much shopping, much admiring of the weather, much snickering at some of the emo hipsters, much reminiscing about the DC life (well, reminiscing for me), much chatter of the superficial variety ("do these sunglasses make me look fat?") and heavier variety (relationships and life decisions and how to deal with being a public persona) and oh yes, much imbibing of beverages of the cocktail variety. it was unexpected and spontaneous and tons of fun.
which brings me to the next (and final) section of the story. ahem. so, setting: we were hanging out on the back patio of the hotel san jose, one of my favorite little sanctuaries in austin, because it's right in my neighborhood, the pool is relaxing, there's foliage every where to provide refuge from the austin sun, and you can order champagne cocktails and cheese plates. but bonus! as a chic austin destination in my hip little soco neighborhood, it also tends to attract a celebrity crowd... and yesterday was no exception.
yes, folks, yesterday was my second encounter with celebrities here in the ATX. it wasn't quite the lance armstrong - jake gyllenhaal sushi-eating divine duo of past encounters ("divine duo," who am i, some lame tabloid writer?), but hey, i'll take a free glance at luke wilson and alan cummings any day. luke wilson was a lot cuter than i expected him to be, and alan cummings was... well, the funny thing was that neither amy nor i could remember what movies he'd been in, and an IMBD search led to results like "spy kids" and "X Men 2" although we were both sure he'd been in other things. oh well. he was still very pretty to look at, and fantastically gay (i think he even had a hottie boy toy in tow).
anyway. this post is getting really long, and since i'm starting to get sick of writing it, i'm fairly certain that you're starting to get sick of reading it. suffice it to say that it's been a great wknd, i promise to keep an eye out for more celebrities, and hey! famous internet people can be fantastic in person as well (not that i'm "reviewing" her or anything because that would be strange and presumptuous... just pointing it out is all).
more musings to come on the one-year ATX anniversary and the birthday that will officially put me in late twenties...
the thing is, i have things to say! stories to share! musings to post! so enough with the obligatory "i'm sorry i haven't posted in so long yadda yadda" crap and let's hop to it:
as most of you know, this wknd marked the beginning of the annual insanity that is SXSW. having moved to austin at this exact time last year (more posts on that later, one year in ATX plus a birthday, holy crap, how the mind boggles), i can distinctly remember how it took an otherwise chill town and turned it into this crazy hodge-podge of skinny-jean-wearing emo hipsters, importante artistes all clad in black, geeky chic types in designer glasses and spiky hair, LA hotties in designer gear, and of course, groupies galore. live music blares from every corner, a lanyard on your neck becomes a status symbol instead of a horrible fashion accessory, and craig's list becomes overrun with posts begging for the oh-so-elusive wristband. it is truly fascinating to watch.
it also brings some celebrities to town, and i had the good fortune of seeing them all up close and personal-like. the bizarre twist in the story that i was actually hanging out with a woman who many consider to be an internet celebrity in her own right... maybe because there are thousands of people who faithfully read her blog every day in order to keep up with the ins and outs of her daily life (there is something the phrase "internet celebrity" makes me feel somewhat ooky inside, like i am some creepy predator checking out 13 year olds on myspace or something). her name is amalah, and although i've been reading her site for years i never thought i'd end up spending the afternooon showing her around my little corner of austin. there was much shopping, much admiring of the weather, much snickering at some of the emo hipsters, much reminiscing about the DC life (well, reminiscing for me), much chatter of the superficial variety ("do these sunglasses make me look fat?") and heavier variety (relationships and life decisions and how to deal with being a public persona) and oh yes, much imbibing of beverages of the cocktail variety. it was unexpected and spontaneous and tons of fun.
which brings me to the next (and final) section of the story. ahem. so, setting: we were hanging out on the back patio of the hotel san jose, one of my favorite little sanctuaries in austin, because it's right in my neighborhood, the pool is relaxing, there's foliage every where to provide refuge from the austin sun, and you can order champagne cocktails and cheese plates. but bonus! as a chic austin destination in my hip little soco neighborhood, it also tends to attract a celebrity crowd... and yesterday was no exception.
yes, folks, yesterday was my second encounter with celebrities here in the ATX. it wasn't quite the lance armstrong - jake gyllenhaal sushi-eating divine duo of past encounters ("divine duo," who am i, some lame tabloid writer?), but hey, i'll take a free glance at luke wilson and alan cummings any day. luke wilson was a lot cuter than i expected him to be, and alan cummings was... well, the funny thing was that neither amy nor i could remember what movies he'd been in, and an IMBD search led to results like "spy kids" and "X Men 2" although we were both sure he'd been in other things. oh well. he was still very pretty to look at, and fantastically gay (i think he even had a hottie boy toy in tow).
anyway. this post is getting really long, and since i'm starting to get sick of writing it, i'm fairly certain that you're starting to get sick of reading it. suffice it to say that it's been a great wknd, i promise to keep an eye out for more celebrities, and hey! famous internet people can be fantastic in person as well (not that i'm "reviewing" her or anything because that would be strange and presumptuous... just pointing it out is all).
more musings to come on the one-year ATX anniversary and the birthday that will officially put me in late twenties...
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